Well, those who know me long and well enough should know that I'm crazy over having a daughter of my own. DESPERATE might be the word to describe how I long for a daughter to call my own. But I guess it's always right whenever we hear people say that "You will never get what you want!" Well, that happened in my first pregnancy when we found out that Zach...is well, Zach. And I consoled myself "It's only my first baby. Boy is alright. Shall try and hope for a girl the next one." And I realised that I'm not the only crazy mommy in this world who hope for a girl more than a boy. Guess it's natural instinct for mothers to have at least a daughter..maybe it's the female to female thingy in us. Just like how we would mix around with girls only in schools, parties and having circles of female friends more than males.
Well, baby #2 arrived quite unexpectedly...a li ltoo early I would say. So we were hoping that it would be a lil girl to call our own.
And there we were...in the consultation room, looking right in front of the monitor...me hoping to see a "hum chim peng" instead of a "birdy with 2 lil balls". Delaila was going round my tummy with the ultrasound scanner explaining to us...
"That's your baby's head, here's the liver, your placenta's looking good, water level is good...oh those are the legs and.....do you wanna know the baby's gender?"
Needless to say.... "Of course we do!"
Delaila continued scanning, "There...it's gonna be a BOY!
Me: Are you 100% sure doctor?
Hubby (laughing out loud) : See! I told you!
Delaila: Ok..let's see one more time.....There! That's the penis....can you see it?....and look, those are the testes! Confirmed la...cannot run away already. It's a boy! No chance for girl this time!
Guess all those myths and theories of predicting the gender of my next baby is so not true afterall!
Well! there it is...it's right in front of me! the final result of trying to guess the gender of Precious #2. My wish and hope for a daughter is dashed! I'm gonna have another rascal instead. A lil brother for Zach instead. I'd be lying to say that I wasnt disappointed at all with the fact known that I'm carrying yet another baby boy in my tummy. But then again, I wouldnt love this baby any less and all we could hope for right now is for a healthy and normal baby boy!
Hubby (holding and kissing my hand in the car) : Are you ok? I know it's a bit of a disappointment, but another son is still ok, right?
Me (rubbing my eyes): Of course I'm ok. But I'll be lying if I say that I'm not disappointed lor.
Hubby: Are you crying?
Me (trying to hide): No la! My eyes are getting itchy nowadays. That's all. (I know. What a lame excuse!)
Hubby: You are still gonna love this son, aren't you?
Me: Are you crazy? It's still gonna be my own son. Of course I will!
Hubby: So I guess, no more Nathalie huh? (our chosen name if it's a daughter) It's gonna be either Nick or Roy instead. Hahahaha
Me: Looks like it.......save Nathalie for our grand daughter instead. Haha!..(quiet after that)
Hubby: Well, I dont mind having a third child if you dont mind. Hopefully it's a girl lor.
Me: Siao ar? And what if it's another boy? If you can guarantee me it's gonna be a girl, I might consider. ...No la! No No No No way! Stop at 2! Enough!
Hubby: Ya lah...stop at 2 la. So, 2 daughters in law! Well, at least we dont have to worry about the safety of our daughter in future. You know, like the risk of being raped, teenage pregnancy and all, etc.
Me: Ya..but to worry if our sons might impregnant other people's daughters! There will be issues to worry about also la.
Guess the hope for a daughter is really getting to its peak in me that the disappointment is just as high. I know it's crazy. Afterall, it's no harm to have another son to call my own. But I just cant fight the natural feeling built inside me. The fact that I can never buy those pretty dresses, nice head bands, lovely pink shoes and all things nice for my own daughter.......Well, unless we dont mind trying for another baby the next time! No way! I'm not putting myself yet into another phase of guessing the gender of Baby #3 and going through the agonising period of encountering numerous morning/night sickness!..and then to know that it's gonna be Baby Boy #3! Nope! We are pulling the handbrake after Baby #2, no matter what!
As crazy as it may sound, I guess the disappointment in me got to its toll that I actually dreamt of it in my sleep last night and woke up weeping. Stupid and crazy me! Maybe it's the fear to show hubby of my disappointment that built up in me that got me shouldering this disappointment all by myself and it even brought it to my dreamland!
So, son #2...mommy is anticipating for your arrival in May next year. Hopefully you will turn out to be a fine young man in future and have a great bond with your Big Bro Zach!